


Fools

by hopecanbeyoursword



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Break Up, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Some angst, Songfic, focuses on maya and lucas, lucaya - Freeform, lucaya is my otp FIGHT ME, thanks for the songs troye sivan, the others are background characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-19 06:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13698615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopecanbeyoursword/pseuds/hopecanbeyoursword
Summary: Maya Hart is tired of New York and the pain people there caused her. her hopes were too high, and then he went and smashed them// in which the aftermath of Lucas and Maya's breakup changes everything





	1. fools

**Author's Note:**

> so this is an old work of mine cross posted on fanfiction.net. it's not my best work, but i still like where i was going with this. so i hope you do, too!

_I am tired of this place, I hope people change_  
_I need time to replace what I gave away_  
_And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small  
_ _Though I try to resist I still want it all_

A lone figure was walking the crowded streets of New York at one pm, not caring that she was being drenched by the downpour. She kept her head down, ignoring the few other pedestrians staring at her. She walked past multiple stations of the umbrella stands that she and Riley had put into place back in middle school, an unfeeling stare gracing her face.

New York. The place she had called home for the past eighteen years of her life. Although she knew everything was constantly changing, it felt the same as it did back when she was five, nine, thirteen. People on their phones, walking quickly. Each person was different, but they all had the same motives.

Maya Penelope Hart was tired of New York. She wanted out, out of the same old city with the same old people with the same old jobs and the same old-

Couples lined the streets as they made their way down the crowded streets of New York. Maya watched them walk past her, feeling her stomach sink even lower. She used to be part of one of those couples, the ones she used to find obnoxious.  _But that was all over now_ , she reminded herself as she continued walking, swallowing her grief.

She heard he was taking the breakup just as bad as she was, but she didn't know if that was true. For all she knew, he was out with friends, glad to be free of her. She wanted to hope that he still loved her, that he wanted her back, but she couldn't let her hope soar, only to have it crash again. She had done that too many times. She couldn't let herself descend even more into her dungeon of sadness than she already was. She had sunk deeper than she had ever reached, those memories plaguing her. She let the words get the best of her, and now she sported faded scars on the inside of her wrists. No one ever saw them, because even before it started, she rarely wore short sleeves.

She shook herself out of her thoughts as she pulled her sleeves down and hood up, trying to protect herself from the rain.

Grand Central Station came into view, and she climbed the steps, fading into the crowd, becoming just another citizen of New York. She unwound her scarf as she approached the schedule of what trains left when. She purchased a ticket, the only words she murmured being "One to Chicago please."

She was leaving.

_I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes_  
_I see a little house on the hill and childrens' names_  
_I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray  
_ _But everything is shattering and it's my mistake_

She had already sent most of her possessions ahead to her cousin's apartment. All she carried with her was her black leather backpack, packed with her art supplies, a book, her laptop, phone and their respective chargers.

She was planning on leaving anyways. She was taking a year off before college, and was looking for a place to stay, to call home. When she and Lucas were still together, she had been planning on finding a flat near him. But when they broke up just a week ago, she called her cousin Kate, pleading to stay with her until she was able to find an apartment. Kate had agreed, and now Maya was going to leave behind the only home she had ever known.

Her mother knew, of course. No one else did. Katy had promised not to tell, until Maya had called from Chicago.

It was a mistake to think she and Lucas would've lasted. They never stood a chance. Their love was bright and intense when it lasted. But it burned out too quickly. They each had things holding them back from truly committing to the relationship. Maya still had her trust issues, left to her by her father. She knew they'd always stick with her, but she was doing her best to overcome them. And Lucas. He knew he loved Maya, but a part of him still clung to Riley. He knew it was unfair to both girls, but he couldn't help it. They both lit up his world in a way the other could not.

Maya had thought, at the time, that maybe, possibly, somehow, Lucas could've been the one. She had never loved anyone like she had loved him, not even Josh. She drew the house she'd like to have when she was older, complete with swimming pools. It was perched on a hill in a quiet neighborhood, one quite different from the bustling city she had grown up in.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she had let herself hope so much that she compiled a list of names she liked. First and middle names, boys, girls, gender neutral; they all were part of it. She knew what she'd name her children, and it had terrified her as much as it excited her.

And maybe that's why she began pulling away. Lucas had become the only one she was able to picture being with in the future. She wasn't ready for commitment that great, and although she knew it wouldn't happen for years, she knew if their relationship continued as it was, it was bound to happen.

She was terrified of being a repeat of her parent's marriage. They had loved each other, and then he left. She didn't want that to happen to her and Lucas, so she let the chasm between them widen as the days went on.

_It was all my fault,_ she thought, forcing back the sob that was bubbling in her throat.

_Only fools fall for you, only fools_  
_Only fools do what I do, only fools fall_  
_Only fools fall for you, only fools  
_ _Only fools do what I do, only fools fall_

She wasn't supposed to fall for him, or so she believed. For the longest time, "Riley and Lucas" had been drilled into her brain. She shoved her feelings to the side for years, hoping no one would ever find out.

Look how well that turned out.

_Oh, our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this_  
_The differences and impulses and your obsession with_  
_The little things, you like stick, and I like aerosol  
_ _I don't give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all_

They were different, and had different paths ahead of them. Maya wanted to be an artist, and Lucas, a vet. They argued over the stupidest of things. He was always keen on the little things, while Maya didn't care much about them, unless they were in her art.

He obsessed over grades and pushed her to do her best. She appreciated it, but she didn't need help. She said she hated "this and that, oh, and that other thing" about him, but now that they couldn't even look at each other, she realized how much she missed him, and all his quirks. They made him, him.

She knew it was foolish, and that she'd probably descend even more into her dungeon of sadness because of it, but she decided to hold on to him. He was her first real love, after all. She couldn't get over him that quickly.

_Only fools fall for you, only fools_  
_Only fools do what I do, only fools fall_  
_Only fools fall for you, only fools  
_ _Only fools do what I do, only fools fall_

As she boarded the train, Maya glanced around the platform, part of her hoping he'd show up and tell her not to leave, that he loves her. But no one stopped her from getting on the train.

She stared out the window, tears spilling from her blue eyes as the train pulled away from the station, taking her away from her home.


	2. the quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas is suffering from the breakup as well, and deals with it in a different way.

_Growing distance free of explanation_   
_We're getting deeper in this mess_   
_Take careful contemplation_   
_I'd rather be spitting blood_   
_Than have this silence fuck me up_

Lucas groaned, shuffling under his covers to turn his face away from the incoming sunlight streaming in his window.

It had been six days since he and Maya had broken up. She hadn't told him why she broke up with him, but he was pretty sure he knew the reason why. And it was all his fault. His fault for letting a part of him cling on to Riley, wondering what his life would be if he stuck with the safe choice. He couldn't be with Maya the way she deserved, and they way he wanted to. He could tell he was hurting her every time his eyes would drift over to her best friend.

He loved Maya, he really did. Still does, actually, but that's besides the point right now. He let the chasm between them widen past the size of the Grand Canyon. It had started after their one year anniversary, when he made the mistake of mentioning Riley while they were enjoying their dinner. Their relationship began to strain under the pressure of his greatest "what if" and her insecurities that came from her parents' failed relationship. She had confided in him when they first started dating that she didn't want to become them. She didn't want to lose him. Lucas had assured her he'd never leave her, that he wouldn't let anyone or anything come between them.

But he failed. He broke his promise to her, and he hated himself for it.

He hadn't seen her since the day she slipped out his bedroom window, tears streaming down her face after breaking up with him. And at first, he felt a small sense of relief that he wasn't hurting her or himself anymore. He needed a break from being with her that way. But now he realized he'd rather still have her in his arms, even if they spat crude words and hurtful comments at each other. Because that's who they were. Maya and Lucas.

_This separation,_   
_time and space between us_   
_For some revelation_   
_You didn't care to discuss_   
_I'd rather be black and blue_   
_Than accept that you withdrew_

He had grown used to spending every day in her company, enjoyed weaving her hair into a plait, enjoyed hugging her, kissing her, just being with her. He hadn't spent this much time away from her since he met her, and it created a hollow space in his stomach. Everytime he reached for his phone to call her, his heart would lurch into his throat, swallowing thickly. He wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

She was his best friend. Even before they started dating, he trusted her more than anyone. She held secrets of his that he trusted in no other hands. It hurt going from spending almost every waking moment with her to not seeing her at all for almost a week.

_You're better off,_  he'd try to tell himself, but every time his heart would overrule his head.  _You still want to be with her, even with the fights. She lights a fire inside of you no one else can._

And he knew that was true.

_Aaah, just tell me_   
_Say anything_   
_Anything hurts less than the quiet_   
_Just tell me_   
_Say anything_   
_Anything hurts less than the quiet_

His phone vibrated just then, and he immediately grabbed it, squinting his eyes against the harsh glare emanating from the screen.

Riley's name flashed on screen, alerting him to her text. He ignored it, setting his phone back on his bed. He had been hoping that Maya would reach out to him. He didn't know if she was okay, and he hated to think about the fact that she could easily revert to her old ways and add more scars to her wrists. The quiet was painful, more so than any words she could hurl at him. He wanted something, anything from her to let him know she was okay.

_Used to give each other the world, every bit_   
_I used to be the one you'd come to_   
_When it'd all go to shit_   
_Now I'm left here in the dust_   
_With the taste of broken trust_

They always cared about each other, him especially. Even when he still had his unofficial thing with Riley, he wanted nothing more than for Maya to be happy. And she knew that, so whenever her life would take a downward plummet, she'd appear at his window, petite form framed by the moon.

He'd hold her tight in his arms while she cried, her voice cracking when she'd ask "Why does this keep happening to me? Why?" It broke his heart when she was unhappy, even when they had just been friends. He hated when she'd push others away, thinking she was undeserving of love, incapable of being loved.

He knew this breakup would shake her to her foundations. And he couldn't comfort her because he was the reason she was distraught. He couldn't hold her and promise her that everything would be okay, he was there, he was never leaving. She would go to someone else, probably Riley.

He had broken her trust. And that thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. It was a fragile gift that he had been given to freshman year, and he cherished it more than anything he had ever been trusted with. He let it slip out of his hands, and now it was shattered on the floor.

_And I don't wanna walk away_   
_But you left me no choice_   
_Only talking to myself here_   
_Now you've muffled your voice_   
_I'd rather have broken bones_   
_Than feel myself turn to stone_

He knew he was going to have to move on from her eventually. But right now, even the thought of liking someone else made him nauseous.

He hadn't let anyone in since that day. He preferred to stay in his head, no matter how unhealthy he knew it was. Her voice drifted through his mind anytime he saw something of hers in his room. One of her sketchbooks, a box of colored pencils, her drawings that lined his walls.

He was going numb. He had locked most of his feelings away in a box hidden in what Maya like to call his "dungeon of sadness." He wanted to feel something, anything. Even pain.

He needed to feel.

_I don't mind that I know that you're wrong_   
_I don't mind that you think you're right_   
_All I want is a fight to fight_   
_Anything but quiet_

He squirmed out of his covers, his hair matted into a giant knot on the side of his head. He wanted to feel anger, because it reminded him of the energy that would pulse through his body when he argued with Maya. She had never been afraid to treat him like himself.

So he dialed Zay's number, knowing his friend would understand that he needed an outlet. They had both been on the wrestling team since they were young. They knew each other's boundaries and how far they could push each other.

_Just tell me_   
_Say anything_   
_Anything hurts less than the quiet_

He went home that night, feeling better. He showered and slipped on clean clothes, letting his hand ghost over Maya's scarf that was curled up next to his favorite shirt.

The quiet hurt, but now that he was out of his head, and more out in the open with his friends, he could handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the longest chapter, I know, but i covered what I needed to. the next chapter focuses on both Maya and Lucas, so look forward to that! Here's a hint: "Swimming Pools"


	3. Swimming Pools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya makes her way to Chicago to stay with her cousin, and the rest of the gang in New York finds out that she's gone.

_I've been running, running, run_   
_I've been running, running, run_   
_I've been running, running, run_   
_I've been running, running, run_

Maya arrived in Chicago when the sun was starting to rise. She grabbed her backpack, and made it off the train. She had called her cousin when they were half an hour away, and now she was looking for her. Her golden hair was tied up into a ponytail. She stood off to the side, eyes sweeping over the unfamiliar faces that bustled around the station. She was waiting to spot the familiar strawberry blonde curls and green eyes of her cousin Kate.

"Maya!" a feminine voice called out, as a young woman in a black peacoat maneuvered her way through the crowd, hugging her purse to her body.

Maya whirled around, searching for the source of the voice, and broke into a smile when she spotted her cousin's cheery face. "Kate!" she called out, relieved. Her heart was aching from being away from her home and her friends, and if she hadn't found her cousin, she was afraid she'd be tempted to hop on the first train back to New York, and that was one of the things she could not do. She walked briskly towards the older girl as she hiked her backpack back onto her shoulder.

Maya dropped her bag and embraced her favorite cousin as she let out a few dry sobs. It was a comfort to have a familiar face present. She and Kate had always been very close, though they were separated by five years in age. Maya was so tired and emotionally drained to do much more than let her cousin led her to her car.

Her cousin understood not to ask questions as to why Maya had so suddenly had to move away from Chicago in the middle of March, the end of her senior year still ahead of her. They drove in silence to Kate's apartment.

Upon arrival, Maya dropped all her belongings in the room that would be hers until she found her own place to stay. She wanted to collapse onto the bed and sleep, but she pulled out her phone instead. She scrolled through her contacts, heart constricting painfully at the entry for "Huckleberry" to find her mom's number.

"Hi, mom? Yeah, I'm here at Kate's. I'm safe... Yeah, I'll be okay in time. Love you too."

_So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools_   
_Cause I just wanna be at the start of after loving you_   
_I plant my feet and I clench my teeth_   
_I can't outrun what's coming after me_   
_So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools_

Lucas sat with Riley, Farkle, Smackle and Zay at a table at Topanga's. Standing around them were the Matthews, Josh, Shawn and Farkle's parents, waiting for Katy who told them she had something very important to tell them. Two minutes later, the blonde woman hurried into the shop. Everyone straightened, wondering what they were about to hear.

Riley frowned, looking around. Nudging her long-time friend who was seated besides her, she whispered into his ear. "Farkle. I know Lucas and Maya broke up, but if Mrs. Hart has something important to tell all of us, shouldn't she be here?"

Farkle's nose crinkled in confusion as he scanned the crowd, hoping to see his blonde friend among them, but to no avail. "You don't think-?" he started to ask his friend.

"-that this is about her?" Riley finished his question. "I hope not, but it's possible. I hope Maya's okay..."

Lucas had been watching them out of the corner of his eye as they talked, his heart growing heavy as he realized that this meeting could be to tell them that something happened either with or to Maya. He glanced away, grimacing. He cared about her. She'd always be a part of who he was today, but he couldn't afford to let himself hang on to her. He wanted to get through the morning and moping stage, and finally be able to think of her without wanting to either punch something or cry. He so desperately wished there was a way to get there without submitting himself to the pain, but he knew the only way to overcome the pain was to face it.

Riley and Farkle were cut off by Katy clearing her throat. Everyone focused their eyes on her as she began to talk.

"Maya... she's not here anymore."

_But I see a lighthouse in the distance calling my name_   
_But I can't get there 'til I go through all of this pain_   
_There's a glimmer of hope like an exhale of smoke in the sky_   
_And sometimes you drain out on the shit that used to feel right_   
_Empty swimming pools_

Maya woke up to her phone vibrating uncontrollably. She blinked as she saw the emails that were scattered amongst all the incoming texts she was receiving. She unlocked her phone, ignoring the texts for the mean time to take care of the emails.

Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the most recent one. With shaking hands, she set her phone down, took a deep breath, then opened it.

_Dear Ms. Hart,_

_We are pleased to congratulate you for being admitted to the School of the Art Institute of Chicago..._

Maya squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again. It was real. She had just been accepted to a college that was in the same city she was currently residing in. She hadn't told many people her plan to apply to a few colleges. Mr. Matthews didn't know, Lucas didn't know, Zay didn't know, Josh (who was now one of her good friends) didn't know... Her mom knew, Shawn knew, Riley knew, Farkle knew and Topanga knew. She couldn't keep it for her mom, and Maya told the others because they had been there in the beginning. Topanga was like another mother to her, and Riley and Farkle had been her friends since they were in first grade. She couldn't hide this from her friends she considered to be her siblings. And Shawn... he understood her the most, because they were the same.

Maya groaned as more texts flooded her phone. She reluctantly began to read through them, skimming the ones from Zay and Josh, deciding to respond later, if she responded. She sent off a quick reply in the group chat that consisted of herself, Riley and Farkle, telling them that she was okay, and that she was excited because of the email she had just gotten. And then came the hardest texts to read.

The three that Lucas had sent.

_I've been running, running, run_   
_I've been running, running, run_   
_I've been running, running, run_   
_I've been running, running, run_

Lucas closed his eyes as Katy's news washed over him, like a wave that was determined to drown him. Maya was gone. She had left. The noise of everyone around him regarding Maya's exit faded into a buzz as he squeezed his eyes even tighter shut.

"Lucas!" he heard a voice call through the static that invaded his ears, a hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes slowly, seeing that Farkle was shaking him. Everyone was looking at him, a look of concern evident upon every face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Lucas mumbled, standing up. "I gotta..." he trailed off, grabbing his coat as he walked out the door.

"I'll go," Farkle responded to the unasked question lingering. "I'll make sure he gets home safely." Farkle hurried out the door, walking briskly to catch up with his friend.

They walked besides each other in silence, the cool breeze ruffling their hair.

Lucas walked past the turn off to his home, continuing on to the nearby park that he and Maya would often frequent for their dates. He sat down on a bench, and Farkle silently sat down next to him as the native Texan pulled out his phone.

**To: Shortstack**

_I'm sorry. It's my fault_

**To: Shortstack**

_I hope you're okay_

**To: Shortstack**

_This may ruin everything b_

The last text was cut off when Farkle wrestled the phone out of his friend's hand. "Lucas. You guys need time. You can't just send that to her," he shook his head. "I know you mean it, but you can't. Maya... she won't be able to handle that this soon. Please, trust me," he pleaded, seeing the look in Lucas' eyes. "I've known her over 10 years. I know her. Please."

Lucas just nodded.

_So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools_   
_Tell me how I'm gonna feel less secure when I look at you_   
_So I close my eyes and just visualize_   
_The greener skies on the other side_   
_So tell me how I'm gonna get past this wave to empty swimming pools_

Maya locked her phone, tossing it to the other side of the bed as tears began to prick at her eyes. The message was cut off, but she had a pretty good guess at what he was going to say.  _I feel the same way, Huckleberry,_ she thought as she began to cry.

She awoke the next morning to the smell of food wafting in from the kitchen. She dragged herself out of bed, tying her hair up so it wouldn't continue to impair her vision as she walked through an unfamiliar apartment.

This would become routine for her as the days passed on, and she realized with a start that she had been there for a week. She was lucky it was spring break, so she wouldn't have to worry about sending her work into her teachers through Riley and Farkle.

She had been searching for an apartment, and she had her eye on one that was about to go on the market that was in the same building as her cousin. Not only was it in the same building as Kate's, but it was in a great location.

Maya held onto the email from SAIC, trying to decide if she would attend college while she was living in Chicago. She slowly adjusted to not seeing her friends everyday, but she acclimated easily into the bustling life of Chicago because it reminded herself of New York.

She couldn't find it in her heart to delete the pictures of her and Lucas, or the texts he sent her from her phone. No matter what she told her cousin and her cousin's friends (who quickly became her friends as well), she still loved him. It still hurt to think about him, but she knew, given time, it would ease to a dull ache, instead of a searing pain.

She continued to paint her feelings, pouring her heart out onto the canvas. Her paintings were filled with dark purples, blues, reds and black; her sketches full of contrasting realities: one of pain and heartache, and one of happiness and love.

She kept in touch with Riley and Farkle, because she couldn't bear to ignore her two closest and longest friendships just because she and Lucas broke up.

They meant too much to her to just throw away when she left. So they planned to meet the following weekend at her cousin's, because it was still spring break. No one told Lucas, using the excuse of visiting family instead.

_But I see a lighthouse in the distance calling my name_   
_But I can't get there 'til I go through all of this pain_   
_There's a glimmer of hope like an exhale of smoke in the sky_   
_And sometimes you drain out on the shit that used to feel right_   
_Empty swimming pools_   
_Empty swimming pools_   
_Empty swimming pools_   
_Empty swimming pools_

Lucas glanced at his favorite picture of him and the blonde beauty before sighing, walking into school the day after spring back ended. It was time for the rumors of his and Maya's break up to circulate around the school. Somehow it slipped out that they weren't doing to well, and that they broke up. No one, except his closest confidants knew for certain what the truth was.

And he wasn't sure if wanted everyone else to know it too. Maybe he'd tell everyone else they were still together, because even though they weren't, he still wanted them to be, and no one would know better. Maya wasn't there to set everyone straight on what the truth was.

Maybe he could live in his fantasy world just a little bit longer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is kind of short, and not my best, but it says what I need it to. I hope you enjoyed it. There's one more chapter to come. But the question is: will Maya and Lucas have a happy ending, or will it be Maya in Chicago at SAIC and Lucas in New York for college? 
> 
> also, which Troye Sivan song will i use for the final chapter? (i know, but i wonder if anyone can guess. also, i hope the three previous Troye songs I've used for this story have fit well to the story line)

**Author's Note:**

> this story will have four chapters, though i have yet to write the last one. each one is inspired by a different troye song. whether i end up writing the last chapter anytime soon or not is unclear. but the first three can be read as a completed story.
> 
> If you like my work in this fandom, I have a few more ideas in progress, so look out for those!


End file.
